Where has the *GOM Gone?
I have been chastised recently for not being grumpy. The reason is that the target of most of my grumps has been British Waterways and that (dis)organisation has become so ridiculous that grumbling about them would be a full-time  activity and I have other things to do.
Here is just one example from this week.
To conserve water on the Oxford Canal BW made the following announcement.

North Oxford Canal Hillmorton Locks 2-7

Tuesday 2 August 2011 until further notice
In order to conserve reservoir stocks along the Oxford Canal the offside tandem locks 3, 5 and 7 will be locked for the rest of the summer at this location.

Boaters are asked to double up when using the towpath side locks 2,4 and 6.
BW apologises for any inconvenience this may cause.

Enquiries: Steve Morgan 01908 302500

So what is wrong with this eminently laudable proposal?

Well, let's ignore the error in describing locks paired next to each other as tandem.

Literacy is obviously not a requirement of employment at  BW.

But surely  a basic level of understanding and competence is required.
Perhaps Mr. Morgan could explain how boats are going to double up in these narrow locks. This is a practice which can be achieved when two narrowboats occupy a broad lock.
"Ah! "I hear you say, "it is not the boats which are being requested to double up but the boaters." So are we being asked to share boats? Now I understand.  My apologies to Mr. Morgan.

These paired locks at Hillmorton are particularly efficient as they reduce the chance of a boat having to empty a lock of water without the passage of a boat. When a boat arrives at a single lock there is a 50% chance that the lock will be set against them resulting in anything from 20,000 to 50,000 gallons of water being flushed down the canal in order to set the lock.  With these paired locks the odds on this happening  are considerably reduced as two consecutive boats heading in the same direction can use separate locks.
So, Mr. Morgan, how does closing one of each pair of locks improve the water usage situation?

I rest my case!
*  Note for the overseas readers: GOM = Grumpy Old Man